It's probably my mind but I don't know

Sometimes I think people just hate me or just get annoyed with me. Maybe it's just me but I've been feeling this way for quite a while. I haven't even been getting enough sleep. No one really sees how I really am in school. Maybe they do and maybe they don't but I just don't see it. I feel left behind like a lonely person walking behind their friends on a sidewalk. Then again, people tell me they have it worse than me when they don't know what goes on in my mind. I'm starting to feel insecure again and my self esteem has dropped. I even get sad, disappointed and mad easily. I don't mean to do all of that. I just feel hurt. Failing in a few subjects has really made me drop and making me feel really down. I know if you're a person who hates me, you'd probably be happy about this. 

I feel unappreciated and alone in school. I may have friends in school but that doesn't mean a person like me can't be lonely. I could be standing in a room full of people I know and still feel lonely. I've done so much for the people who are close to me but in return some of them give me the cold shoulder. Problem is, I will always give and help until i wear out like a candle. And what do I get in return? Sometimes nothing.

I put people first then myself because I can never solve my own problems so I end up helping others. I put on a smile everyday so my friends won't know how truly heartbroken I am and how sad I am. I laugh out loud so no one will see my weakness. I know by typing this on a blog I might attract hate and other things but I'll ignore it.  I care about everyone but it seems like they don't really care about me.

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Just because I talk with many people doesn't mean I'm not lonely. Sometimes I am lonely but I don't need a friend who backstabs me by posting things about me without thinking how I might feel.